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The sky unfurls its gems at night,
oceans of swirls and specks of light,
Our centers shift, recalibrate
as clouds of stardust undulate,
Our humbled heads fall back in awe,
the sky unfurls its gems at night,
They softly hint a spiral path,
a billion stars eons away,
Oceans of swirls and specks of light,
with bodies moored by gravity,
our minds soar high to starry seas,
our centers shift, recalibrate.
©2016, ontheland.wordpress.com
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This week, Jane Dougherty’s Challenge is an invitation to focus on meter–something I’ve been wanting to know more about. Here are her words:
This week’s challenge is more about the sound of the poem than the content. Sometimes it seems to me that we work hard to get our thoughts either into rhymes or simply into the right line lengths, and don’t listen to the sound it makes. This week, I thought we could concentrate on listening to the beats in the line rather than simply count syllables or find an appropriate rhyme.
Tetrameter (four beats to the line) and pentameter (five beats) give a rhythm that helps to make a line memorable. Try to think more of the way the stress falls than the number of syllables. It will inevitably mean shuffling word order or occasionally choosing a synonym, but you will end up with a poem that flows like a song.
To see her poem with the strong beats highlighted in bold type, please visit the challenge link above.
My poem is an attempt to maintain Tetrameter using a form called ‘Cascade’.
Ontheland 
Love this. Made me think of this:
“I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence something throbs, and gleams …” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exuperay, The Little Prince
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Beautiful quote. I’ve never been in a desert but I can imagine the vastness at night.
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It can be otherworldly. Not what you might expect.
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This works well Janice, the poetry flows almost like the reader is standing on a hilltop in the dark looking up and willing in circles.
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Thanks Denis. Your night view must be wonderful over the ocean.
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Beautiful cascade. I love the undulating, recalibrating stars!
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The cascade is a great form to use, and you have done wonderfully! Recalibrate is a tremendous word to use as a rhyme. I really like this poem, Janice 🙂
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Thanks Jane 🙂 your explanation of meter was very helpful.
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A musician would probably explain it better, but I’m glad my explanation was helpful.
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Love your poem this week Janice, and the photo illustrates it beautifully (and vice versa!)
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Thank you Tina 🙂 I relate to that photo as my biggest night sky views in the past were while camping. Now I can sit in a chair outside my front door and look up.
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…moored by gravity
🙂
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Another great example of exemplary, scintillating poetry as I have become familiar with your poetic writing(s).
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Thank you. You are so generous with your praise 🙂
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Wonderful image. (K)
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Glad you like it. It reminds of my days camping under the stars.
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I love this. The swirling words made me think of Starry Night by Van Gogh.
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Thank you 🙂
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I very much enjoyed this!
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I’m glad you did. Thanks for letting me know 🙂
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